We all know those Frequently Asked Questions on monster websites, that help you find your way. So I figured it was time to post my own set of FAQs. Of course, most of these questions have never really been asked by anyone sane. So in the spirit of continuing loopiness and not taking a moment in life seriously, I present my interview with a fictional EQ fan, in...
Wingthing's ElfQuest Archive's Never-Asked-Questions 
 
 

Who are you, really?


Jane Senese, just like it says in all the copyright notices at the bottom of my fics. ;)
 

Where do you live?

Scenic Vancouver Island, Canada - where it snows one day every year like clockwork, tropical plants bloom in February and it's hayfever season all year round.
 

Why "Wingthing"?

In homage to Hermes, the patron god of writers, and his winged sandals.
 

When did you first start reading ElfQuest?

I was about thirteen when I first read Book One at Sun Girl's urging, back in 1994. But I didn't start actually reading ElfQuest until '99.
 

When did you start the Archive? 


Fall 2001.
 

When did you first start writing? 


Um... I was six... seven maybe.
 

No, I mean writing fiction.

Yeah, I know. Six... seven maybe.
 

Hey, what's up with your weird spellings?  


Canadian spelling. Well, mostly. Technically if you use Canadian spelling, you should use mostly British spellings, but every Canadian is so influenced by American spelling that it ends becoming a matter of personal choice. Hence I'll always use "colour" not "color" (Except when I speak of the Scroll of Colors, which I considered a trademarked EQ thing), but I'll usually use "gray", not "grey." But sometimes I use grey. And I usually say "sombre" but sometimes I forget say "somber." Likewise "centre/center." But I'll never say "sulfur." Sorry, but it's "ph" all the way for me. Blame Chem 11.

Whose your favorite ElfQuest character?

Rayek, baby!

Whose your least favorite ElfQuest character? 


Bearclaw, baby!

If you could be any character from ElfQuest, who would you be? 


One of the elves in the Palace from the FutureQuest era. Then I could enjoy all the powers of elfin immortality plus creature comforts such as flush toilets and cooked food (hm... does the Palace have replicators a la Star Trek that can make anything you want? I've got a hankering for pizza with garlic sauce right now.)
 

Okay... but if you could be any character from the Original Quest, who would you be? 


Madcoil, so I could eat Bearclaw. Naw, kidding. I'd probably be Winnowill, but with Mary Sue powers (ie, foreknowledge of everything that would come to pass, knowledge of everyone's soulnames and quite possibly twenty-first-century technology thanks to universe-crossover-capabilities). That way I'd have the power to influence the end of the Quest more to my liking.
 

Okay... but if you could be any chracter from the Original Quest with no Mary Sue powers, no universe crossovers, no special powers at all, who would you be? 


(whines) Aww... come on, man. I don't even like camping... Well... could I be Ahdri, but go back and re-write her life? I'd want to seduce Rayek before Leetah got a chance?

No! No timeline altering! No Alternaverse-ing! Just live in ElfQuest and muck around in the dirt and have parasite infestations and no toilet paper and put up with it! 


Screw you guys. I'm not playing anymore.

You really don't like roughing it, do you? 


Go ask my camp counselors. I did everything but threaten to sue their asses for child endangerment.
 

Fine, new tactic. If you could engineer a worldpool universe-crossover, what would you like to see happen? 


I wouldn't mind seeing Eric Cartman from South Park run into the Wolfriders and force Cutter to train him as a Wolfrider. The screaming, wailing, swearing and stamping of feet would be priceless.
 

Um... okay. You're very weird, you know. 


Thank you.
 

Now, we all know that you got the idea for Swift and the Alternaverse while sitting through a very dull anthropology class. But where on earth did you get the idea for Survivor:ElfQuest? 


Actually, it came to me in a dream. No, seriously. I was home taking a nap in between classes and I had this unspeakably bizarre vision. Just as Cutter is splitting the tribe up at the beginning of the Shards War, the Wolfriders suddenly find themselves at Howling Rock, and Teir shows up, saying "Welcome, to Survivor:ElfQuest. Rather than fight it out for the Palace, you will now compete in trials to outwit, outplay and outlast!" And Cutter pulls out his sword, but Leetah says "Wait, beloved, there may be wisdom in his words."

Come on.  


No, seriously. That's the dream. So I told Sun Girl and floated the idea to her, and she said, hey, go for it. And a month later, just in time to coincide with the new Survivor season, there was Survivor:ElfQuest.
 

Now, what do you think might happen if Swift and Cutter ran into each other?  


First they'd start screaming. Then... they'd probably go medieval on each others' asses.
 

No grand dreams of uniting the World of Two Moons? 


Naw. I think it's the evil-doppelganger-syndrome. They wouldn't be able to stand each other. Cutter would think Swift abandoned the Way, Swift would think Cutter's too testosterone heavy, and then they'd find out who the other Tam's lifemate is and suddenly it would be open season. It would be Hidden Years 9.5 all over again.
 

Who would win?


Cutter's got the upper body strength, but Swift's got that "wiry strength." She's much more limber than Cutter. So I'd say a tie - Swift with smashed bones and Cutter with dislocated limbs. It wouldn't be pleasant. Of course, while Leetah would just stand on the sidelines and say "There are different kinds of healing" Rayek would pull out a Colt 45 and defend his lifemate's honour. So Cutter better watch his back.
 

Speaking of Rayek and Cutter, I found your fic Bad Dreams unspeakably disturbing.


I had so much fun writing that!
 

Okay, time for the random pointless personality questions. Favorite Color? 


Colour! But blue.
 

Favorite Madonna Song? 


Don't Tell Me.
 

Favorite Shakespearean Tragedy? 


I know I should say Hamlet. But I'm gonna go with Titus Andronicus.
 

Favorite James Bond?  


Sean Connery is the only REAL James Bond. But I'd rather sleep with Timothy Dalton.
 

Are you more a river or a lake? 


A river (I've actually been asked this on a career aptitude test.)
 

If you were a kitchen implement, what would you be?  


A spatula. (And I've been asked this at a job interview. No, really.)
 

If you could have lunch with a historical figure, who would it be?  


Henry VIII, so I could beat him to death with a two-by-four.
 

If you could have lunch with an ElfQuest character, who would it be? 


Rayek, so I could drag him off into the cloak room.
 

Would you be surprised if your personality test results recommended electro-shock therapy?


You'll never take me alive! Ha-hah!
 

Do you think you've plugged your own fantasy novel enough lately? 


Hmm... actually. I haven't. Here's its website.
 

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