WOLFRIDER
EUGENICS
There's a philosophy of the World of Two Moons that verges on bigotry.
The Wolfriders are superior because they have the wolfblood (and thus their
holier-than-thou mortality), to the point where elves constantly imply
(or simply state) that the Wolfriders have more right to live on Abode
than other elves. Taking this to extremes, what's to prevent Cutter from
evicting all immortal elves off the planet, including Suntop? Well, we
all know that Cutter never really liked him anyway. Well, it is very wolf-like
to be xenophobic in the extreme, but aren't these elves supposed to be
role-models? Even Leetah is catching the fever when she twits Skywise
about giving up his wolfblood. Who is Leetah to get high and mighty - she's
not a Wolfrider! And what is with the Wolfrider obsession with Recognition?
Somehow I don't think if Leetah had stayed in the Sun Village, she would
have said that Pike wasn't "special" because he was born outside of Recognition?
Since when the elves pull the "out of wedlock" card?
SUNSTREAM'S WACKY TIME TRAVEL ADVENTURE!
The publication of Discovery appears to have drukked
up the EQ timeline beyond all redemption. Suddenly the many-time descendant
of Grohmul Djun's torture of Darshek is in the distant past? Pips born
years after the Shard War are now older than Sunstream? But in fact, there's
a perfectly logical explanation. Sunstream took the Palace hundreds of
years forward in time! One of those times he "went out", his spirit somehow
travelled in the distant future to meet Brill. When he Recognized her,
there was only one option - a secret time jump none of the other elves
CAN EVER KNOW ABOUT!!! Because we know how pissed off Cutter gets about
quantum theory. Notice how Sunstream quickly shoots down Nightfall's innocent
(though horribly OOC) suggestion to time-jump to save Cutter. He knows
either way Cutter'll be fine once they return to their time. Notice also
how incredibly blasé Sunstream is about going home without his pregnant
girlfriend. As far as he's concerned, she might not even be alive yet.
And as long as he is ver-ry careful, no one will ever be the wiser.
NIGHTFALL'S
EXPLOITS IN COSMETIC SURGERY
What happened to the cute slightly plump little sprite from Book One?
She was short and pretty with brown hair and lots of baby-fat. Now she's
this uber-muscled bunny with cheekbones that could cut glass and rock-hard...
well, rock-hard everything. There isn't a shred of softness left on her.
And it isn't just a normal aging process - the difference between Nightfall
Book One and Book Two is striking enough. For that matter, why would anyone
want it to be a normal aging process? She's bloody frightening now! I blame
a failed facelift - five hundred years of wearing a bandana on too tight
has made her look like a victim of botched plastic surgery. It also appears
that she has been abusing hydroxy-cut or some other fat-burning supplement.
Bad Nightfall. Didn't you read the label? Six pills a day - not sixty!
THE
BLAND-IFACTION OF REDLANCE
Oh God! Redlance took some Nightfall's health supplements, but he took
a wrong dose and now he's morphed into a Disney Dwarf with a problem retaining
his body heat. To balance out his lifemate's bizarre changes, Redlance
too is going through a midlife crisis. Remember the little kitten from
Book One? Abs-baring vest and the cutest little face. But as early as Book
Four on, he starts getting broader of face, broader of waist, broader of
everything. Face-fur just about killed him. Now he's a garden gome in a
turtle-neck and three-quarter sleeves! Honestly, baby, aren't you hot?
Cutter is bare-chested, Nightfall is in a bikini-top. Redlance must have
a serious metabolic disorder. See, kids? Don't do dietary supplements with
the letter "X" in the brand-name.
BEARCLAW
IS HIS OWN GRANDFATHER!!
Anyone else notice that guy cuddling up with Goodtree in Book Three?
Doesn't he look kinda like Bearclaw? In fact, a lot like Bearclaw. Now,
let's analyze this rationally. Goodtree had a son named Mantricker. He
was Bearclaw's father. Mantricker looks nothing like either of Goodtree's
lifemates. Lionleaper is beefy and butch, but he's a California blond.
Acorn has Mantricker's hair, but he's a little weedy cutie-pie. Bearclaw,
on the other hand, looks a lot like Mantricker. And someone who looks just
like Bearclaw had sex with Goodtree (or at least fooled around - he's not
wearing any clothes!). Ergo... Bearclaw obtained a time machine, travelled
back over two thousand years, and sired his own father. Why, you may ask?
Because, in an encounter with a magic mushroom, he learned that he travelled
back over two thousand years and sired his own father. Once he learned
this, he had find a time machine and complete the cycle, or otherwise he
would vanish into thin air. But why did he start the cycle? Silly Elfies
- might as well ask while the Pinis went within fifty feet of the Palace-time-warp
fiasco.
EMBER'S
SEX ED
Cutter and Leetah seem to be scheming to make Ember as sexually dysfunctional
as possible. First Cutter nearly beats her black and blue because she challenges
him, then asks Skywise to have sex with her to shut her up. Then Leetah
just smirks happily as Mender escorts little Ember off for statutory rape
(don't give me that "elves don't believe in that" - Ember is way too vulnerable
to understand consent at that point. You don't have sex to raise your self-esteem
- that's Sex Ed 101). Later, when Leetah realizes that Ember is in love
with Teir (instead of Mender, whom Leetah is backing as a prospective son-in-law),
she reverses her earlier good impression of Teir and decides he is evil.
This sets Ember up for 13 years of hell, juggling her feelings for Teir
and Mender without any guidance. And let's not forget how she brainwashed
Ember to think of cubs born out of Recognition as equivalent to human "bastards."
So now, even though she and Teir have finally worked things out, she doesn't
want to have a cub outside of Recognition, even though half the tribe was
born out of "true" Recognition (Teir, Pike, Sust, Tyleet, Krim and Yun.)
Good work, parents - your plot succeeded.
BEWARE
OF THE WRONG KIND OF WOMEN
Right. Now, at the risk of sounding like some old misogynist from the
Bronze Age... does sex with the wrong girl drain a man's essense? This
isn't as weird as it might sound, mind you. Look at Strongbow when he was
a young man at the beginning of Wolfrider. He's sweet. He has a smooth
oval jawline. He has subtle cheekbones. But he definitely looks like he's
grownup - this isn't a kid, this is a twenty-year old. But then, look at
him a hundred years later - well after he's hooked up with Moonshade. He's
all angles. He has sweated away all his baby-fat.
And he's a more snide and disillusioned. So did Bearclaw beat the cute
idealism out of him? Or did Recognising Moonshade do something to him?
Now consider Cutter. Before he consummated Recognition with Leetah, he
was still very young and... well... virginal looking.
I could like this guy (I mean, if he bathed regularly and left my Rayek
alone). But seven years later he's all angles and sunken skin below his
cheekbones. Just like Strongbow. This isn't normal elfin growth. Redlance
never gets like that. Neither does Pike. Neither does Skywise. And when
you think about it, Leetah and Moonshade are a lot alike. Both voluptuous.
Both very bitchy when you rub them the wrong way. Both worship the ground
their lifemates walk on. So... does joining with this kind of woman suck
the youth out of a male elf? I think so. It's a given fact that sex with
Winnowill makes you somewhat taller and temporarily insane, after all.
JINK
Who the hell is Jink? Almost all of the fascination with her
surrounds her parentage. A lot of people think she's Skywise and Timmain's
daughter, but I just can't see that working. She doesn't look much like
either of them. We see the back of her father in Future Quest and it sure
as hell looks like Cutter. I've heard it said it might be Suntop, but I
seriously doubt Suntop would be dressed like that. So... is her mother
Timmain or Leetah? She doesn't have Sun Folk skin by any means, but she's
way too... voluptuous to be Timmain's daughter. And um... too... shall
we say "promiscuous" besides. I've never seen Timmain get in on threesomes.
So did Cutter and Leetah get to have another child? Does that mean Jink
has wolfblood? And what does Ember think of her supposed little sister?
I expect really messed-up family reunions.
PIKE'S
TERRIBLE SECRET
Poor Pike - he has to be the most victimized elf out there. He lost
his mother (we don't even know her name), his father Rain, his sister Rainsong,
his possibly-brother Shale, his nephew Wing, two lovemates, Crescent and
Vaya, his son Cheipar, and his lifemate Skot. And right now the storyline
of the Wild Hunt makes me wonder if Krim is going to get herself in trouble
and get exiled or killed or something. Why is Pike being targetted like
this? My theory is: Pike knows something. He knows where the body of Don
Corleone is buried. He knows that Bearclaw once went into a gay troll strip
club. He has the One Ring hidden in his hair tufts.
Well, that makes sense. He is more of a hobbit than
a Wolfrider.
Somehow, he can't be killed by the Abodean Mafia.
But the Mafia is taking out their frustrations on his family. Everytime
the enforcers think that Pike might be a flight risk, another elf is mysteriously
murdered. Pike can't join a witness protection program, or Sust will be
next.
OF
TIMMAIN AND WOLF-FRIENDS
Timmain is one weird chick. I am still not entirely certain that she
didn't induce the trolls to rebel on the Palace just so she could strand
the High Ones back in the past and conduct anthropology studies on them
all. And I ask you. Did Timmain will Starjumper's death, so she
could step in and become Skywise's wolf-friend? Isn't a little odd that
Starjumper lost to a jackwolf he should have torn to drukking shreds
about five minutes before Timmain strolled in to take over? Somehow I don't
think Skywise will want to Recognize her so badly should this conspiracy
theory prove out. And on that, I can't possibly see how they'll Recognize,
what will all the hints Warp is dropping. Fall in love maybe (eww)
but a Recognition between those two would have to be the greatest anti-climax
ever! I think Timmain ought to Recognize Pool... or Treestump! Now that
would be a surprising plot twist!